It is possible to feel lonely in a ‘happy’ marriage. Here’s what to do when that happens

From the very nature of a marriage, relationship or other forms of exclusive emotional connections, it is very convenient to reach a conclusion that being with someone means that you would never be lonely anymore.

Afterall, being taken, having a partner and getting married are like the opposite of being alone. How then could you ever be lonely when there is someone in your life?

Well, it sounds implausible but in relationships, things are hardly ever in black and white. So, don’t be too shook if you get a partner, settle down into the routine of family life and discover somewhere along the line that you are actually lonely.

“Loneliness in marriage is very common because life circumstances happen, and the way we manage things [might] leave the marriage on the shelf while everything else gets dealt with,”  marriage and family therapist Candice Cooper-Lovett tells Yahoo.

All This

Taken but still very lonely. How to break out of this difficult situation for good. [Credit: All This]

Taken but lonely

The feeling is actually normal, especially when you have been prioritising other aspects of having a partner over the romantic part of it. You know, other activities that come with the territory such as taking care of kids, fending for the family, sorting out bills and preparing a better future for yourself and other people you care about. All that could actually interfere with the communication, romantic activities, reassurances and other affectionate things needed to grow love and keep it well nurtured.

“Children can take up a lot of time and energy in a marriage,” Cooper-Lovett explained, “and as a result the marriage can take a back seat where both partners are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, finding little to no time to spend time with one another.”

There aren’t many things that communication and a dedicated decision can’t fix. [Credit: Shutterstock]

But this really does not have to be the end

The pattern of neglect can be addressed and repaired. All you need do is come to terms with what’s happening and communicate on ways to actually restore the bond in the relationship to what it formerly was.

First things first, you have to understand all of these emotions are normal and not to get too panicked when you start to feel alone in your marriage. The cycle will ebb and flow because no partner can be “on” all the time. It takes managing some expectations while also boldly expressing your needs.

“It’s impossible to meet our partners’ needs at 100 percent,” Cooper-Lovett said, “however, when most of our needs are not being met in a marriage that can cause a lot of strain and leave someone feeling lonely. Most of us want the feelings of being valued, appreciated, nurtured and loved and a sense of companionship.”

One other important aspect is the decision of whether to tell, or not to tell your significant other about the struggle. [Credit Black Excellence]

Fix it for good

Sure enough, communication will open your eyes to each other’s needs and what needs to be done to address how they might be feeling but beyond that, you need to be willing to put in the effort and consistency required to do so.

Never forget: everything built on the foundation of your love will come crashing down if the relationship with your partner fails. You owe it to yourselves and those who believe in you to keep that love aglow in good and bad times.